History of the ADPC
Excerpted from: Hush-Hush: A Study of Secret Society in the U.S.A., 1976 by Shubert MacAllister. Used without permission.
While scholars have debated for years over what some term as "...the obvious hidden agenda..." lurking behind the purported goals of the A.D.P.C., on the origins of the organization a scholastic consensus has been reached, aided by such recent archaeological discoveries as that of the Laptoptic Fragments unearthed within the apparently vacant mausoleum of the late Brigham Young. Current sources trace the society's formation to the Montana township of Bumpy Dip. Since the A.D.P.C. itself refuses to release its own documentary records covering the years 1850-1972c.e. for reasons of internal security, we must rely on such piecemeal snippets of fact as we may glean from folklore, diarys, periodicals and local tax records. However, after years of research into the subject, we believe we can for the first time in printed history provide an accurate outline of the history of this mysterious organization, whose origins have remained shrouded in the mists of time until now.
It was the spring of 1503c.e. that a rag-tag band of political and religious forced-migrants was abandoned
by the H.M.S. Marianne upon the shores of the New World. Their original destination is thought to
have been the Ivory Coast of Africa, no doubt to be induced into slave-labor. No-one knows what astounding
error of navigation led the ship's Captain Casewell Morribund
Whatever the reason behind the error, it was by the ships' log a chilly Easter Sunday (on the beaches of what would someday be named Boston Harbor) that a hundred-odd women and men found themselves left with but a meagre cache of supplies on the fringe of the hostile New England jungle. We have but few names of those anxious souls; most of them, being of no particular evil repute, warranted no special mention in the court records of the time. We find in the ships' log however, mention of one Lucas Brianson, acting as a spokesman for the prisoners; also one Claus Julein, whom the band had appointed as their leader in stead, insisting on a political autonomy from the shipboard regime (which, given their actual position as prisoners bound for slave labor, seems little more than an attempt to escape from their grim reality). There is also mention of one Thomas Rudderly, who repeatedly requested audience with the captain, insisting "The Ivorie Coaste lieth to the Weste, yet doth this vesslle persiste in travell'ng Easte!" Apparently little heed was given his advice...
Between the years 1503-1850c.e. nothing more is to be found regarding these unfortunates, save details on Capt. Moribund' financial ruin resulting from his being charged for the full value of his lost cargo. This inveterate incompetent is said to have left behind him a 28-page document, cursing, "those d---d lizard-worshipping whore-sons" whose misplacement, he claimed, drove him to "spit in the very Faces of the Saints" and take his life by his own hand.Incompetence and Incontinence; The Downfall of the British Empire, by Ralph Spinnewibble, Simon & Schuster 1926.
The next mention of our band of innocents, surely thought of by that time as lost forever, we find between the boiler-plate pages of the antebellum periodical The Butte Toot, for the week of Aug. 15, 1850c.e. The article tells of the complete obliteration of the town of Bumpy Dip by an unexpected deviation in the course of the annual buffalo migration through those parts. A delegation from Bumpy Dip approached the mayor of Butte, one Chester Pleasant, and requested assistance in the form of food and shelter.
This delegation was composed of the sheriff and three senior aldermen of Bumpy Dip; namely, Thor Juleinson, Quentin Briansonson, and Scott Rudderly. Given such obvious congruence with the names attributed to the abandoned prisoners of 1503, we can only conclude that those same unfortunates must have forged their way across the virgin continent to found a new way of life far from the prying eyes of the burgeoning Colonial government.
The aid they sought from Mayor Pleasant was denied, however, on the grounds of moral turpitude, strange though that may seem to our Twentieth Century readers. The hitherto reclusive inhabitants had, it seemed, developed a reputation for "certain heathenistic practices, including but not limited to; polyandry, polytheism, polystyrene, lizard-worship, witchcraft and others not suitable for description in a civil publication of this nature. They have also violated the Natural Laws of God and Man by electing for themselves a Woman as Sheriff of the County of Bumpy Dip; one whose fearsome aspect, as might be expected, is beyond description."Mysteries of the American West, by Brett O'Dustinson, Alfred A. Knopf, 1965.
Upon refusal of their modest application for aid, Sheriff Christia Allen approached Mayor Pleasant on the steps of the Butte county courthouse and issued the following statement: "You yellow belly, sonofab---h, I'm not jest gonna kill you, I'm a-gonna see that yer children starve to death so's they cain't make more of yer kind, you maggot!" She was restrained from carrying out the immediate portion of her threat by dint of the Mayors' unexpected fleet-footedness; however, her words were telling ones indeed, for the Mayor supported his family as a dairy farmer. We find posted, not a week later in The Butte Toot notice of the formation of the American Dairy Prevention Council, dedicated to the eradication of Dairy Product; the notice claiming that "we have been given just evidence that over-exposure to Dairy Product encourages naught but the rank erosion of the Higher Virtues in Man, and moreover promotes stinginess, corpulence, and base cowardice..."Butte Toot, period periodical. The notice was signed by the three aldermen and the Sheriff of Bumpy Dip.
This incident is one of the only mentions of the A.D.P.C. in public record until 1972c.e., when the current incarnation of the A.D.P.C. made its' charter public, vowing to "uphold the tradition of dairy eradication" as laid down by their forefathers.Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail `72, by Hunter S. Thomson, Rolling Stone Press, 1973. There is no sure way to determine whether there exists an actual cosanguinal connection between the A.D.P.C. of 1850 and that of today. It is the common practice of most "secret societies", e.g. the Masons, Rosicrucians, Stonecutters, Lions etc. to claim descent from founding organizations whose origins lie so far in the past that the truth of such claims is difficult, at best, for the scholar to verify. Whether this is the case when discussing the present A.D.P.C., however, would seem to this researcher to be a secondary concern when faced with the real mystery surrounding the A.D.P.C.; namely, what was the true identity of the man known under the sobriquet of "Paul Sheridan", credited with the sabotage of Ed Muskie's abortive attempt at gaining the Democratic Nomination in the Presidential race of 1972? Or, to put it more succinctly, why autogyros?