...because in space, no-one can hear you
ask for milk...
The ADPC ® space/time conquest division got its start in 1893 when an unpromising young student of
Nikola Tesla was institutionalized at a clinic owned by the Council's paramedical wing.
Among the traumatized meanderings of monologue (and sometimes dialog -- how he threw his voice into the attendant's shirt pocket is
still a matter for speculation and off-color jokes), the secrets of Tesla's ether-ships were revealed.The
"insane" are used as technical guidance by the ADPC even to this day.
For the remainder of the 1890's, teams of technicians worked from an island base east of Florida on a veritable
fleet of ether-ships capable of reaching the furthest edges of the solar system in mere weeks. They also began construction of what
many consider the two largest man-made movable objects ever devised -- the twin colony ships of Constellation and Wanderlust. Each was
four miles long when completed, half a mile in diameter, and shaped like a summer sausage.
For very bizzare legal reasons, the shape of the vessel must always be described in any text on the subject. We apologize.
In 1901, the first of the ADPC ® ether-ships took to the skies. Its flight was less than stellar, merely depositing an advance team of soilologistsNo record exists regarding the name of the ship, the name(s) of the crew
members, or whether any further contact was made with the soilologists. We apologize to the soilologists. on the moon to
facilitate future missions. But with the success of that mission, the space/time conquest corps was emboldened to plan greater plans.
The second decade of the 20th century saw the zenith of the S/T-CC, with ether-ships traveling as far as Neptune,
looking for the Holy Grail.It's not there. During this decade,
the ADPC ® discovered and got the movie rights to all the Seven Wonders of the Solar System: the Endless Spiral Stair
The Endless Spiral Stair in Jupiter's Red Spot. in the heart of Jupiter's red spot, the Ancient Ice
Sarcophagi buried in Haley's comet, the Last Resting Place of the Ark of the Covenant, the stone tables which
of Fermat's Last TheoremWe have aquired for our archives a brilliant photograph of the 5 km stone tablets upon
which Fermat's Last Proof is etched, standing on the plains of a minor floating continent of Neptune.
Imagine, if you will, the electric green sky; the clouds thundering past at impossible speeds, ramming into
the mountains and swirling off in another direction. However, the bandwidth the internet is insufficient
for us to convey the true elegance with which he dispensed the problem. The majesty, the power; it's all there,
if only the world was connected by direct multi-layered fiber channel. It is interesting to note that on the
western edge of the topmost tablet, Fermat's agent has inscribed a paragraph hinting at his discovery of an
even more devilishly fiendish problem, but that Neptune has too few inhabitants to put the premise into it's
proper scope..., the Actual Birth of Venus
The Actual Birth of Venus, the Mercury
Seas of Titan, and the
Catacombs of Chicago.
The city of Chicago.
Beneath the city lies the breathtaking crystal
Catacombs of Losarchanian.
It is also rumoured that the last survivor of the
catastrophe at Krypton lives in Chicago
Both he and the city may be living under
With these successful missions under their belts, the technicians and pilots were ready to undertake their
largest step -- the colonization of Saturn's Second Ring.For more
details on the nature of the proposed colony, read Larry Niven's Ringworld series. It's good.
The pieces of the colony ships were hastily brought to a construction facility on the far side of the moon for
final assembly. After many unforeseen problemsToo numerous to list
here. Too weird, too. Use your imagination; I'm sure anything you think of happened and interfered with
construction. It was a bad year. during this phase, the ships were moved to a safer orbit near
Mars, and the final bits were twiddled into place. The celebration party upon completion of these ships
lasted nigh on a year, and afterward it took nearly half that to remember where the ships had been hidden.
But on December 21, 1932, the Constellation and the Wanderlust began the long trek to Saturn.
Many novellas and three epic poems tell the tale of their journey, so we find it unnecessary to retell
the story here. But for history's sake we must point out that the evidence suggests the popular belief
regarding the crash may be a myth; the three goats were not actually angry, merely stumbling drunk, and the
circuit cover was simply ajar, not "painted with demonic and lizard-queen
symbols."From "The Wanderlust and the Hairy Goat," author unknown. Used with permission.
After the Wanderlust crashed into the First Ring of Saturn, the heroic efforts of the crew of the Constellation can only be called
stunning. Piling the survivors in the two empty food bays and rationing what was left of the supplies, the colonists salvaged the food
and fuel from the wreckage with assistance from the natives of Titan. They then limped back to Earth and landed 20 miles east of Seattle.
The ship was dismantled and buried under Cleveland, and the humiliating story was buried and virtually disappeared from most chronicles
The last effort of the ADPC ® S/T-CC drained its operating budget through the year 2004, at which time new plans for colonization began.Colonization of the wreckage
of the Wanderlust was considered but rejected due to the Titan's previous claim. Though the mission
of the Wanderlust and Constellation was technically a failure, the contact with the Titanians proves useful and
informative even to this day, and the joint venture to the core of Pluto continues
to benefit to this day.
It is interesting to note that several decades later, an unmanned probe sent to Saturn by another space-faring organization revealed the total damage done to Saturn's Rings by the crash. The rings
are now splintered into millions of tiny ice and rock fragments, orbiting still. Council scientists are divided in opinion over
the eventual fate of these fragments -- will they remain in orbit, fall or disperse over time, or rejoin in anger and come to seek
revenge for their pain? Only time will tell...