STC Corps Mission 5x664
The ADPC ® Space/Time Conquest Corps do hereby and in joint effort with the Titanian Embassy take on the proposed mission # 5x664, to wit, final status determination of the 11th Planetary Body of the resident solar system.
Purpose of the Mission
The purpose of this mission is to go to Pluto, drill or melt a passage to the planet's core, and attempt to recover the planet's charter. Failing recovery of the charter, a certified charcoal rubbingA photograph of the neutronium charter would be unhelpful. Charcoal rubbings are considered legal documents when properly certified by all courts in the outer solar system; indeed on the Uranian moon Miranda, no other documents are legal, and all currency must be rendered in charcoal. should be obtained. With this document, Pluto's status as a planet may finally and forever be secured.
History of the Project
In 1932 AD, the S/T-CC embarked upon mission # 3x8b8, colonization of the second ring of Saturn, with disastrous consequences. However, owing to the resulting breakup of Saturn's first ring along with the merciless ring-natives' Mind Control Ray, the inhabitants of Titan were freed from the slavery they had endured, and aided the corps in the rescue of the survivors of the crash. The two organizations immediately formed a lasting bond of friendship. It was determined at that time that the next mission would be to the core of Pluto, to retrieve that planet's charter.
The S/T-CC's subsequent plunge into bankruptcy and obscurity has delayed this mission until the current day. Thanks to the council's unflagging investment in fringe technology stocks, and the dramatic success of the bake sale in the summer of 2003, the S/T-CC has returned to economic viability and now undertakes the planning of this mission.
Never has recovery of Pluto's charter been more critical. With recurring doubt about Pluto's status as a planet, final proof is essential to quiet the barbarous hoards who wish to build themselves up by labeling Pluto as something less than what it truly and by right is.
History of Pluto
During the years 1922 - 1929, while S/T-CC scientists on Earth and in low orbit constructed the colony ships intended for Saturn, council explorers sought advice from members of the Harvard ObservatoryThey were known to be from Harvard due to their excellent diction. In today's cynical world, this may sound uncompelling; however, in that more trusting era this was sufficient evidence for legal recognition of a new planet. on what conditions would likely be found in the outer solar system. The prevailing belief among the explorers was that the solar system was bounded a short distance beyond Neptune by celestial spheres. In contrast, Harvard scientists speculated that one or two additional planets at most beyond the known set may exist, and that they were probably very small, or they would have been seen previously.
The explorers were intrigued by the possibility that they might discover the last planet, and arranged with the Harvard Observatory that a completely legitimate planetary charter would be engraved and carried by the advance team, so that the last planet discovered could be labeled and claimed by the ADPC. The stipulated planet was named "OTULP"Orbiting Trans-Uranian Little Planet. It was well known that such an object would also be Trans-Neptunian, but Neptune's name doesn't begin with a vowel. Besides, "OTNLP" was already the name of a jazz musical group., and the charter was engraved on the most advanced material that council scientists could devise, neutronium, so that it would not weather badly.
In January of 1929, the advance team went off in the scout ship "Snooper" to prepare charts for the colony ships that were nearing completion, with the new planetary charter snugly packaged in the hold. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as it turned out), the straps in the cargo hold were not tested on the sharp non-atomic edges of the charter, and during a routine sensor drop beyond Neptune's orbit, the charter was dropped as well. Since neutronium doesn't reflect light, the missing cargo was not noticed until days later, and sufficient fuel was not available for the ship to retrace its steps to find the wayward document.
Over the next several months, the heavy charter accumulated visible ice and dusty debris, until in February of 1930, it was spotted and identified from Earth as the ninth planetNothing was known at that time of the hidden planet within hollow Jupiter, or the shadow planet exactly six months behind Earth in Earth's own orbit.. Since the days of the ancient Greeks, it has been known that the motions of the planets (to say nothing of the small words etched on their surfaces) have a strong influence on the minds of mankind; unfortunately the charter was turned away from Earth at that moment, and the new planet was named "PLUTO". Initially, council scientists sought to correct this mis-naming, but when in October of the same year the lovable Disney ® dog was given the same name and captured the hearts of America and the ADPC alike, all objection to the name "Pluto" was dropped.
Observations from sensors left in Neptune's orbit, along with data shared by [contents purged] suggests that in the mid 1940's, a loosely knit group of Venusian migrants placed a large styrofoam sphere in orbit around Pluto, with the words "Just an Asteroid" scrawled hastily on the surface. Though council psychologists scoff at the idea that such an object could confuse humanity about the nature of Pluto's planet-inity, nevertheless the status of Pluto as a planet is now in jeopardy. Indeed, some of the more zealous scientists are even claiming that the styrofoam sphere was 'always there' and claiming it as a natural satellite of Pluto. As if!